Feel Down; Look Up

I want nothing more than to be happy. Actually, when I was fourteen, I was asked to define success. I replied, and defended against questioners: Success is personal. The only way to measure it is to see how happy a person is with his/her given situation. A person doesn't need to have a six-figure salary to be successful. All he needs is joy in his life. Before you write it off as me being a naive fourteen-year old kid, which I was, just know that I still firmly believe that. I've wanted nothing more than happiness for a long time. However, I'm starting to think the universe is single-handedly trying to make sure that it never happens for me.

College is hard. It's stressful. (I know. Duh, right?) Well, when you've been doing the college thing for 3 years prior to your first semester, you start to imagine that college won't be quite so hard. And then life throws you a curve ball. Fuck curve balls. At least I thought I would have a wicked support system. The boyfriend and I were doing really well when the semester started. Plus, a few people from my high school come here. If it had to be difficult, at least I would have a good time chilling out with people who cared about me. And then... the shit hit the fan. The boyfriend and I started fighting daily. Literally. There were like two weeks when we fought every single day. I became a hermit, like I always do, because I just needed to get an A in everything. (Different issue for a different day.) So, naturally, I just started to get really lonely and started clinging to the boyfriend even more. Unfortunately, that tactic wasn't exactly the best (duh) and we broke up for about a week. (It's probably more accurate to say that he broke up with me. That is how it happened.) Anyway, for the rest of the semester I've just been feeling so down.

Even though the boyfriend and I are working on things, nothing ever seems to get better. He doesn't seem to care about me. I feel like he still doesn't care about me. Every effort I make is just seems to be disregarded. We both feel like utter crap. Plus, no one here seems to get me. I haven't found that one person who just listens to what I'm saying and gets it. But that's not really a problem that only college kids suffer through. I would think that most people feel like this sometimes. I just wish someone would tell me that it gets easier. When you're staring up from rock bottom, it feels like there's no way you'll ever get back to where you once were.